Starting a blog is weird. There’s no instructions. No one holding your hand and guiding you. You’re literally flying by the seat of your pants. You can get on Pinterest and literally read until you come to the end of the internet, and still be just as confused or maybe even a little more confused than when you started. I’m here to say, I don’t have a flippin’ clue what I’m doing, but I’m doing it. This past week as I was working on my blog, I started doubting myself. And all this fear and uncertainty started rushing in. I had started writing earlier last week and then I started looking at my stats and it’s laughable….then I started thinking who is even reading this? And my mind started running a mile a minute. I started editing pictures then kept getting frustrated because it’s so hard to get them focused—because I’m in them and trying to work the camera too. So, I scraped my whole post and wrote this.
This blog is part of my testimony, and I have prayed full-heartedly for God’s will. And if nothing comes from this, I can say with confidence it was His will and be just fine with that! I won’t feel like a failure, because I know God is faithful, I want His plans for my life, not my own. I’ve prayed and that’s all I can do. Do I know exactly what I’m doing now? Nope. Did God give me a direct path to walk down? Nada. I don’t have it together, but I pray, I strive to read my bible and pray some more. I pray to know that my heart is in the right place. That I’m not concerned about numbers or being popular, because those things don’t matter. I’m “faithing” it. LOL LOL – Faith it, ’til ya make it. No…is that weird? Idk, actually I think like that saying. Welcome to my brain, these are the random thoughts that I have.
Even when I start doubting myself, something keeps compelling me to push forward and I think that’s God. I mean, when you think about it I don’t think Satan is like, “Yes, Denise. Please keep writing about Jesus.” LOL- As I was typing that I hunched over and was thinking in a creepy Gollum voice as I was typing those words. (All of my LOTR people, my preciousssss) I’m so glad I mainly write at home right now or people would think I’m such a weirdo, haha who am I kiddin’— y’all are probably thinking, ok..Denise is such a weirdo. It’s ok, I am- I take proud ownership of my weirdness.
This one verse, is the verse that keeps pushing me forward. (And when I write out these post, please know I’m mainly speaking to myself. These are things that I am going through or maybe I’m giving insight to what I’ve overcome through the power of His word in hopes that it will be encouragement or a light to someone else. I’m never preaching or condemning—and I think all of that goes without saying, but I’m saying it). This is the verse that when I start doubting if what I’m doing is, in fact, what I should be doing. This verse always hits me like a ton of bricks. Revelations 12:11- “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.”
When I start doubting, when I start worrying what other people think, when I check my instagram one to many times to see if anyone has clicked my link, I have to pump the brakes and check myself, because that’s when it can become a slippery slope and can lead me to doing it for other reasons than what I’m intending it to be. I have to affirm that my intentions are good, I am Saved. I am Loved. I have Peace through Jesus. And I want other people to see and to have what I have found. Matthew 5:16, “ Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and GLORIFY YOUR FATHER which is in Heaven.” That’s my pure motive, and I pray that I am portraying that. That God is so good.
At the end of the day, my goal is to be uplifting. To let people know that God is for us and that He is good. The bible says our time here is short, like a vapor. That’s crazy, one second you’re here, POOF, now you’re not. James 4:14-“Whereas ye know not what shall be on the tomorrow. For what is life? It is even a vapor, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanishes away.” My prayer is this, that with God’s guidance I may use this tiny space of the internet for His glory, to let people know how loved you truly are and to throw in the mix— a little of my crazy life with my family and my love for photography, and the occasionally outfits (we all know how much I love shopping, Lord help me.) I don’t ever want to portray that my life is perfect, or that I have it all together, because I don’t.
If you read all the way through, thank you. I have one request. I don’t care if you share or comment, but please pray for me. Our testimonies are so important, it’s worth more than anything money could ever buy. And the cool thing is, it’s yours and that is what make you unique, called by the son of God. That’s YUGE! (lol Donald Trump voice). I don’t care how big or small you think it is, God can use us. We just have to be a willing vessel. Also, I’m taking a teaching series at church called, We Share and while you’re praying for me just also pray about this class and that I can absorb and learn as much as God would allow me to. I want to soak in as much as I can! I love y’all and if I can pray for anyone of you, let me know. You can email me, it can be private. It’d be my pleasure.